I used to think I was messed up in the head, I mean look at the society. You don’t see people like me moving around, holding hands happily like straight couples do.

I thought it was a taboo to be this way.

Well that was until my mum told me love could be cruel sometimes and if I listened to what the society said, I would remain unfulfilled tell the day I dropped.

       You might be wondering, what the hell his he going on about. Here’s the short version of the story.

      I’m Derek, nineteen years old in college. I have brown hair, a nice body structure and a cute baby face. Here comes the best part, I’m gay.

     It all started back in high school, I was sixteen then. Most jocks and some of my friends were already bragging about how many girls they had been with and other stuffs hormonal teenagers talk about.

     For me and my best friend Jerry, we were the odd ones out. We had no story to tell because the girls, well the girls weren’t doing it for us. Not that we didn’t get any attention from them. Oh we got a lot of attention from the girls. I was cute and Jerry was a handsome guy with brown hair. Most of these girls readily threw themselves at us but we discovered we weren’t tripping like most guys do.

       We had an inkling of what was wrong, we just didn’t want to accept it because of what people might say.

I and Jerry stuck together like glue. You would find us together all the time at lunch, in class, going home and even hangouts at each other’s place.

Eventually most of those girls that were willing to roll around in different positions in our beds started talking. Before we knew what was going on, they stopped their sexual advances towards us and started being really friendly with us. They teased us occasionally about we being a couple and all.

    I didn’t mind this, it actually gave me butterflies anytime they mentioned it because I knew I had feelings for Jerry but I did not know if he felt the same way. I was also scared he might not feel the same way which might end up pushing him away from him.

But what if he does feel the same way?

What would my mum say if she finds out?

What would Jerry’s parents say?

What would our friends think?

What would people say?

    All these thoughts ran through my head and the answer to them came faster than I thought. It turned out to be a blossoming relationship between I and Jerry.

Follow along let’s continue.

   I got my answer about how Jerry felt about me during one of our many hangouts. It was the first time I was seeing Jerry fully naked which happened accidentally.

I had thought he was downstairs helping my mum with dinner as she asked me to mow the lawn. After I was done it was around past five in the evening and I was sweaty.

I quickly rushed into the shower in my room only to be faxed with the fully unclad Jerry, soap in hand and the water from the shower cascading down from his body.

I stood there unable to move. Something in me stirred.

It was similar that longing you might get when you see a naked sexy woman except I was here looking at a boy and not just any boy, it was my freaking best friend. I loved everything I saw but I caught myself and quickly apologize before rushing out.

We avoided eye contacts during dinner and walked in silence to bed.

     During our hangouts we share the same bed. We normally played video games till we crashed but today was different. We both laid down facing the opposite direction, the silence deafening.

 I decided to break it.

     “Jerry I’m sorry about today, I didn’t mean to walk in on you like that.” I apologized.

   “Nah, it’s okay. I liked that you saw me like that.” Jerry replied.

I turned to face his side and he turned to face me.

      “What do you mean?” I asked. My heart was racing miles per hour.

     “C’mon Derek, we obviously have feelings for each other. I couldn’t confirm until today. The way you stood frozen at the bathroom earlier said it all.” Jerry explained.

      “Wow you really feel that way?” I asked unable to believe my ears.

In response to the question, Jerry gave me a deep kiss which I returned. We ended up making out till we slept.

      After that night it was like something in us broke open. We were more happy with ourselves. Jerry was the best boyfriend I could ask for. We went out on romantic dates which to other people might look like two guys hanging out but to us it was a lot more. We did a lot of things outside under the guise of a normal boys hangout and had fun.

      We kept our relationship a secret and my was it a big secret to keep which got harder to keep each day.

But not withstanding Jerry was a great guy. He made us forget about the world around us. When we were together we felt like there was no one else.

       Our relationship grew as steadily as any secret relationship grows. We took things further about two months into the relationship. When my mum was at work and it was just us two. The sex was awkward and funny cos between the both of us, we never had the experience. It was awkward but great and it made us grow more close to each other that it started to show outside.

     Our friends began to ask questions about why we ignored most of their parties and hangouts. We both came up with a lie to cover up.

During most of their parties and hangouts, I and Jerry were either having a date or taking a romantic walk or better still we could be in bed taking each other through the clouds.

      We were so caught up with each other that these parties and hangouts seemed like something that could cause a pause to our happiness that’s why we  ignored them. We would rather lay down and stare into each other’s eyes than go out.

We were still worried about what the people we knew would say even when we saw a lot of people on the news coming out as gay. We were young and didn’t want to deal with any form of stigma yet. You could say we kept it a secret so as to protect ourselves and our minds.

        There are teenagers or let me say youths that could go through the attacks, stereotyping, the hate speeches and all that stigmatism without a side glance at the world but I and Jerry were not up to that state of mind yet. We knew if those things were to happen, we would break.

Our worst fears were following us at a close pace it was only a matter of time.

      The first hurdle came when my mum found out about us.

We were in my room as usual making out and things were starting to get hot. We didn’t hear her come in or when she called my name. She opened the door to my room and found Jerry hovering above me, both our shirts were across the room. She said a quick sorry and hurriedly closed the door.

I quickly put on my shirt and ran downstairs. I could hear Jerry hit the something and cursed loudly.

     “Mum what you saw back there, I can explain.” I nervously let out.

She smiled and looked up at me.

      “I should be the one apologizing for walking in on you two like that.” My mum replied.

      “But it’s.. I mean..” I tried to say something but the words wouldn’t come out.

My mum sighed. She knew what I was going to say.

      “So what? You’re dating a guy. Why is it so hard for you to say?” she asked me.

By now Jerry was coming downstairs. He had a solemn look on his face but I think it was because of the embarrassment he would get from what my mum might say to him that made him look that way.

Jerry got shocked when my mum smiled at him as he reached the kitchen counter.

     “So how long has this been going on?” She asked.

    “Close to four months now.” I answered.

My mum gasped.

      “And you kept such juicy secret from me all these while. I thought we talked about everything.” My mum exclaimed.

I and Jerry exchanged glances and looked at her with shock on our faces. Not only was she cool with it, she was amazed that I kept it a secret from her for that long.

      “What? You two should see your faces right now. It looks like you saw the ghost of the fish we ate yesterday.” She joked.

Jerry was the one who was still shocked. From the way she was talking, I already knew my mum was cool with it. I ran to hug her and she held me close.

     “Awn my baby. You should know that love can be cruel sometimes. You two were so worried about what people would think, you practically forgot about the happiness you will get from being able to put your love life out there.” She said.

 Jerry finally released the breath he never knew he was holding. He grabbed a stool and sat down with his head bowed.

       “I don’t know what my parents would say. I’m really glad you are okay with this Mrs. Parker but for now I would keep them in the dark for now.” He said.

       “Darling that’s okay, you can tell them anytime you feel is best but you do not want them to find out themselves without getting a proper explanation. That might get things more complicated than it ought to be.” Mrs. Parker advised.

    “Thanks Mrs. Parker for being so cool with this. I was really scared back there.” Jerry laughed nervously.

    “Oh dear there’s nothing to worry about from me.” Mrs. Parker smiled.

      So it was settled on my side. My mum was cool with me dating Jerry.

The next hurdle was Jerry’s parents. Trust me, this one didn’t come easily.

     Jerry told me how it went down a little later into our relationship. I got to know about the hard time he got at home before he was finally accepted again.

     When Jerry mentioned he was gay at home his dad nearly turned him into barbeque.

For a whole week I did not hear from Jerry. His lines were dead and unreachable. I called by his house, his mum said he wasn’t home.

I was restless throughout the week not knowing what to do.

 My mum was the life saver.  She really helped a lot by setting up a meeting with Jerry’s parents. Man was it awkward at first then it ended with heated arguments.

    Jerry’s dad threatened not to let him out of the house ever again if he didn’t get his head straight. Jerry’s mum was a little bit open to the arguments my mum brought to the table. She wanted her son to be happy and if his relationship was not going to take the usual path, she was ready to compromise for her son’s happiness. The only thing she had a hard time doing was trying to convince her husband to let the matter be so I and Jerry could continue with our love life.

      That day ended with no possible solution for us. I was devastated.

I sat in my room and the tears wouldn’t stop pouring. I looked through the photos I took with Jerry and it just made me cry more. My mum would come into my room to hug me to sleep because everything hurts. It felt as if someone was continuously stabbing at my heart furiously.

What came next, I did not expect. It shook the very core of Jerry’s dad.

I was recovering slowly from not seeing Jerry regularly as before. That morning I was up early eating breakfast when mum got a call. The next thing I saw was the phone slipping from her hands.

She turned to look at me. The words she said gave me a straight shock to the heart.

    “Mum I can’t breathe.” I heard myself say. I couldn’t feel myself, it was like I was there but I wasn’t. My mum’s voice sounded so far away. I saw her quickly grab her phone probably to call an ambulance. The last thing I heard before I finally passed out was sirens.

Jerry had attempted suicide and my young mind couldn’t handle it.

     We were admitted to the same hospital but kept in separate rooms.

My mum being her usual tough self head straight for Jerry’s dad and poked him hard in his chest angrily yelling at him.

     “If anything happens to them both, it’s on your hands. Your hands.” She yelled at him.

Jerry’s mum tried her to calm her down as best as she can to avoid a huge scene in the hospital.

 Jerry’s dad had fear etched into his face. He had no idea the trauma he had put his son through by locking him up at home. He could only hope on the doctors come out with a positive report.

       Jerry, in an attempt to end his life and be done with everything took a serious overdose of painkillers. The doctors had to flush his system to get him stabilized. I woke up before him and spent day and night by his bedside.

      It has been five days and Jerry was yet to wake up. The doctors said his heartbeat was weak probably caused by severe case of depression. I kept by his bedside still, repeating the same sentences over and over again.

       “You don’t get to leave me alone. I can’t go on without you Jer. It wasn’t supposed to end this way.” I whispered into his ears over and over again.

This time he heard me.

     “Who said anything about endings? Your voice did always wake me up.” Jerry said faintly.

     “You’re awake!!” I exclaimed.

 Jerry laughed.

        “Of course I’m awake. I’ve been awake for a while now listening to your sweet voice.” Be replied.

Although it made me happy to hear his compliment, I was still pissed off at him for trying to leave me.

     “You selfish jerk, you tried to run away from all this. You wanted to leave me alone.” I cried.

      “Hey I’m sorry. Everything was really messed up. I couldn’t think properly. Hey don’t cry, come here.” Jerry pulled me to him and gave me a deep kiss.

I broke it up so I could go get the doctors. His parents were super elated to see their son up again.

Jerry’s dad had a change of heart that day. I guess the thought of loosing his only son was more scary than anything else. Jerry was not the only child though, he had three sisters.

    Well all this was four years ago. Now I and Jerry were in college celebrating our fourth year anniversary. Our parents were now close friends and our friends got to know we were dating. They we’re cool with it but we still got some haters that didn’t accept us.

Who cares about them, we’ve got each other and life was good.

 

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