Hello,
Sorry I don’t know where to start. I am in a very bad situation. I writing from Turkey. English is not my native tongue, sorry if I am write wrong.
Ever since I moved to high school, I was aware that I was homoseksüel. And of course I kept this from my family, they wouldn’t understand it, they wouldn’t approve. And I had to keep it in school as well, because even teachers kept giving homophobic speeches. But unfortunately, in my third year, I realized that I was in love with my best friend, and she never loved me in that sense. I felt dirty and bad. I dropped out of school and disconnected from her. I started homeschooling. During this period, I was in the character of Lucius Malfoy in the ‘Drarry roleplay’ group and we were constantly talking to the girl who played the character of James Potter. At Roleplay, James and Lucius were in a relationship. And even though this group disbanded, we still continued to speak and write. One day, while playing a game other than a roleplay, we were trying to find out which sentence was a lie as ‘two truths is a lie’. And when she found out that I was homoseksüel in the game, she said she was bisexual. Later, about three or four months later, she said she was in love with me. Obviously, I loved her to and so we started a relationship. I was very happy. I graduated from high school and was preparing for the university exam. That my happiness did not last long. My brother divorced his wife (he was being violent to his wife) and moved to our house. My mother and her husband (I hate his), my brother and I were staying at home. And everything was normal, but one day while going to the bathroom, I forgot my phone on the table and my brother somehow unlocked it password. Then there were some lgbt and lesbian content images in my gallery. He started dealing with me ever since he saw these. At first it was not very intolerable, he was making fun of it, he was warning my mother ‘not to leave it alone’. But then it started to interfere with everything. My check-in and check-out times, the contacts on my phone (I cut off my contact with my girlfriend for her safety), and he started to scream and torture me increasingly. “You are not a man! Come to youself! What do you think you are ?! You will marry a man, whether you want or not! You have no salvation from me! I will teach you how to be straight!” etc. he started screaming and dealing with me until I got psychological and physical. Running away from him, I locked myself in the room and he broke the door and came and hit me, yelling and humiliating. ‘A LESBIAN, WHAT THE FUCK ?!’ he was violence to me.And my mother supported him every time. Everyone in my family started to say bad things about me. And I could not stay in this house, worst of all they , threatened to you will marry out. My mother was beginning to hate me, she sees me as a scourge and shame God gave her. They cut off all the money they gave me, and they wouldn’t let me work. Eventually I decided to find a job and fight with them, working hard. I wanted to go to college, not die, not marry a man! But the third day I started working, I was fired because they had called my workplace and denigrated me. And then they didn’t let me work again. I see psychological and physical violence (slap, or squeezing my arm or parts of my body, hitting my head … it was not violence for them) at home every day. And
Even worse, with others around, they treat me just for show, pretending as if they love me so much. I applied to women’s shelters and organizations but they said they couldn’t help me, and what they said made me feel even worse. They did not give me any financial or moral assistance and also told me that I should go to a psychologist and get better. I don’t know what I can do anymore. I always have the ideas of death in my mind, but it’s not fair that I die when there are people as bad as my brother in this world. I don’t want to die but they are killing me. I can not stand it anymore. What should I do? What can I do? They make me feel so worthless, sinful and dirty.

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    2 Comments

    1. Classified Equal Rights Classified Equal Rights on February 25, 2021 at 5:20 am

      Hello friend, am very sorry to read about your situation, but remember;
      A situation may look dark and the shadows of all the problems you are walking through might appear impossible to you at the moment. You may not see a way out of the situation you find yourself walking in today; but know this, you are not alone.

      You may feel alone. The situation can look so dark that not even a sliver of light can be seen to light your way. Stop in your tracks and allow your eyes to adjust to the darkness. Listen to the sounds around you. Allow your other senses to heighten.

      You are not alone, at RFGN we are standing by your side. You can find Support Organizations on this website on the LGBT SUPPORT tab, where you may find a list of Support providing organizations.

      We are in this together.

      Community Services Manager
      RFGN

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      • Şüheda Şüheda on February 25, 2021 at 7:22 pm

        What you said is very nice, but there is no dark or light here. We are here with my brother and I. And even though I couldn’t understand why I had such a reaction, I was wrong for many of the people I spoke with. That needs to be improved. Living in a fantasy world. I cannot get support from anyone here or anywhere else because some damage cannot be undone. But thank you for your kind reply. I am very down spiritually. And I have no hope left. You cannot change some things. And when two things you can’t change collide with each other … it doesn’t happen. And when one of them is your family. If only we could change this mentality. Thank you for listening.

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